I gave my all to you,
Laid my soul before you
In trust and love,
Believing you to be
A kind and honourable man,
Above reproach in all things.

To you this was just
Stupid and naive~
An invitation to abuse.
And you obliged.
Not openly and crudely
As some do,
But deceitfully,
Manipulatively,
Hiding behind
Your mask,
Making me doubt
My own sanity.
Never yours!

Now, your double life exposed
In all its
Ugliness,
You can no longer
Release your anger
(So long nurtured)
On innocent animals, Nor seek refuge
In sick fantasy.
Only I am left
As sole recipient
Of your misplaced
Anger!

It doesn't belong
To me!
The treasure of love
That I offered you
Goes unnoticed,
Trampled among the shit
In the violence of
Your secret world.

You are like
A wounded animal.
Violent.
Self-absorbed.
Oblivious
To all but yourself
And your pain,
Injuring anyone
Unwise enough
To try to comfort you.

The soul I opened to you
So trustingly
You cannot damage.
It's impervious
To the chaos
Of your secret world,
And beyond
The heartwrenching hurt
You inflict.
It knows its purpose
And can only grow
In strength and beauty
Like finest steel
Tempered in the fire
Of your hell.

My love didn't die
But it was
Love for a mask~
A shadow on a screen.
The real man
Never seen.
And when,
Sometimes,
The mask took on
A somewhat
Monstrous
Look,
I looked away.

But shadows aren't real,
And no matter how much
You love them,
They're quite
Incapable
Of loving you
Back.
 

© 1994, Carmel Pacey Digby

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